OCT 25th 2024
Summary:
individuality and being alone are two very different things. As someone who craves
social connection, the balance between social fulfillment and individual skills, as well as time
alone, is something I have been trying to figure out over the past few weeks
Why is it so hard to feel content on your own, even when you value independence?
This question has been on my mind as I wrestle with the balance between my craving for connection and my desire to embrace individuality. For as long as I can remember, I’ve sought approval from others—first from my parents, then my peers, and later my companion. Now, I find myself wondering, who am I looking to for validation today?
As I thought about it, I realized something surprising: a big part of why I always want someone with me—whether it’s a quick trip to the store, walking around campus, or even watching a movie—is because inviting others feels powerful. For me, inviting someone to join in is more than just logistics; it’s an act of love. It shows that I care about them, and it reminds me of my mission, where inviting others to connect was central to everything we did.
But there’s also a deeper, more personal reason. When someone says “yes” to spending time with me, it feels like they like me, which in turn reassures me that I’m a normal, likable person. That’s where I started to recognize a pattern—one tied to my need for approval and validation.
What I’m Doing About It
On Sunday, I decided it was time to shift this mindset. I set a goal to do one thing independently each week—not just alone, but also without asking for advice or seeking approval from others. I want to reclaim the power of my own choices and figure out what I value most, separate from anyone else’s input.
An Eye-Opening Lesson
Just a few days later, I walked into class and was struck by the perfect timing of the lesson. The professor was teaching about the stages of adult development, and it felt like my personal struggle was being mapped out in real time. Then, He shared a quote that I haven’t been able to stop thinking about: If you can’t be happy by yourself, you won’t be happy with another person.
It hit me that placing the responsibility for my happiness on others is not just unrealistic, but unfair to them. While inviting others can be a way to show love, it shouldn’t be a way to measure my worth. That distinction is what I’ve started to focus on as I navigate this new chapter.
Final Thoughts
This week has been about rethinking my relationship with independence and connection. I’m learning that inviting others can be powerful and meaningful, but it’s just as important to invite myself to grow, reflect, and make decisions without outside influence.
What about you? How do you balance the desire for connection with the need to stand strong on your own?
Song I like
We're cracking up
For the first time in six months andI know you missed it too
Tried catching up
Over shifting eyes and coffee cups, but
You'll never say you miss me too
[Verse 2/Pre Chorus]
How's your sister been?
Is she gonna come visit in the fall again?
And you say she's doing just fine
She moved back to Baton Rouge
And in June she might move in with you
And she asked about me, the other night
You can tell her I'm not lonely
I'm just alone
And if you try to hold me
I'll tell you don't
And if I say I miss you
And you say I miss you more
I'd say baby, you don't know me
Baby you don't know me anymore
[Verse 3]
Hear you got a new girlfriend
And you're everything she wanted, but you
Keep on asking about me
And I say
I just keep my family close, and I
Fan the fire, burn the hope
'Cause I lost my mind trying to fix broken things
[Verse 4/Pre Chorus]
We try to pretend
There's no brick wall in the middle of the table
And you say 'Can't believe how long it's been'
I know but we tried to stay friends
You needed a gap but she stepped in
And I found me again
And baby, I'm not lonely
I'm just alone
And if you try to hold me
I'll tell you don't
And if I say I miss you
And you say I miss you more
I'd say baby, you don't know me
Baby you don't know me anymore
[Bridge]
You don't know me anymore-ore-oh-ore
And I own it
The conversation, 'cos you're holding in
I miss you's and I hate it
'Cause I
Didn't ask to meet up this time
[Chorus]
'Cause baby I'm not lonely
I'm just alone
And if you try to hold me
I'll tell you don't
'Cause baby you don't know me
No-o
Baby you don't know me, no-o
No comments:
Post a Comment