You need to want to love them before you can.

 The following was for a religion class. It is a reflection piece in response to this article https://www.ldsliving.com/from-arranged-marriage-to-temple-sealing-a-different-kind-of-latter-day-love-story/s/90097  

If you had asked me the question, “What is love?” this time last Friday—just last week—I would 

probably have said something like, “Love comes from mutual attraction that is there and then 

grows over time.” If you had asked me, “How can you know if you’re compatible after a few 

dates?” I would probably have said, “There was a spark, you are both physically attracted to each 

other, you laugh, you are kind, and maybe you even share similar values and goals.” Now, just 

seven short days later, my answers would be completely different. My thoughts on love have 

been questioned, shattered, and are now in the process of being rebuilt. And let me remind you—

it has only been 168 hours.

I think the reading that had the biggest impact on me this week was From Arranged Marriage to 

Temple Sealing: A Different Kind of Latter-day Love Story by Morgan Pearson. The article was 

about a male Indian member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and his marriage 

to a non-member (who has now been baptized and is a converted member). Oh, and did I 

mention they were connected through an online arranged marriage site… by their parents? 

Nonetheless, there were some very poignant thoughts shared in their story. Of all my reflections, 

this is one I hope to return to often while dating, in my years of marriage, and hopefully to share 

with my future kids. So, I will share a few quotes from the article that I believe have helped me 

reform my understanding of true love.

“The couple makes it clear that although their marriage was arranged, they still had a choice in 

the matter and could have withdrawn from the arrangement… From that day forward, they have 

made efforts to strengthen their choice.”

This hit me really hard. I realized that I have to choose to love someone every day—not just at 

the altar. It is not an everyday choice; it is an every-second choice. In class, someone mentioned 

President Monson’s quote, “Choose your love; love your choice.” So, I decided to look up the 

entire talk, and here is what it says: “Choose a companion carefully and prayerfully; and when 

you are married, be fiercely loyal one to another. Priceless advice comes from a small framed 

plaque I once saw in the home of an uncle and aunt. It read, ‘Choose your love; love your 

choice.’ There is great wisdom in those few words. Commitment in marriage is absolutely 

essential.”

So, how do we choose our choice? That is a question I seek to understand and answer over the 

next 20, 30, or 45 years.

I think I realized that I will not just fall in love with someone. I will have to choose to love them, 

and true love comes from seeking to understand. Below are a few more quotes I enjoyed. Before 

you read them, I would love for you to remember this: Audrey-Marie, and whoever may be 

reading this—future children, the TA, or even Brother Mansfield. I am not going to feel a spark 

on the first date. I need to seek to understand someone deeply, the way you seek to understand 

your mission companion. You need to want to love them before you can.

“In our real lives, love mainly depends upon our understanding,” she says. One of the first things 

Divya set out to understand upon marrying Prabhu and moving to the United States was his 

religion.

“[The Church] was the right place to meet God.”

With nearly six years of marriage behind them, Prabhu and Divya have discovered more and 

more things to love about each other.

“We got married, and then our love started. I feel that might be better than loving because we are 

already bonded to each other, and from there, we have to work hard. So far, it is working pretty 

well, and we are happy for that. I am pretty sure it will work until the end.