You need to want to love them before you can.

 The following was for a religion class. It is a reflection piece in response to this article https://www.ldsliving.com/from-arranged-marriage-to-temple-sealing-a-different-kind-of-latter-day-love-story/s/90097  

If you had asked me the question, “What is love?” this time last Friday—just last week—I would 

probably have said something like, “Love comes from mutual attraction that is there and then 

grows over time.” If you had asked me, “How can you know if you’re compatible after a few 

dates?” I would probably have said, “There was a spark, you are both physically attracted to each 

other, you laugh, you are kind, and maybe you even share similar values and goals.” Now, just 

seven short days later, my answers would be completely different. My thoughts on love have 

been questioned, shattered, and are now in the process of being rebuilt. And let me remind you—

it has only been 168 hours.

I think the reading that had the biggest impact on me this week was From Arranged Marriage to 

Temple Sealing: A Different Kind of Latter-day Love Story by Morgan Pearson. The article was 

about a male Indian member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and his marriage 

to a non-member (who has now been baptized and is a converted member). Oh, and did I 

mention they were connected through an online arranged marriage site… by their parents? 

Nonetheless, there were some very poignant thoughts shared in their story. Of all my reflections, 

this is one I hope to return to often while dating, in my years of marriage, and hopefully to share 

with my future kids. So, I will share a few quotes from the article that I believe have helped me 

reform my understanding of true love.

“The couple makes it clear that although their marriage was arranged, they still had a choice in 

the matter and could have withdrawn from the arrangement… From that day forward, they have 

made efforts to strengthen their choice.”

This hit me really hard. I realized that I have to choose to love someone every day—not just at 

the altar. It is not an everyday choice; it is an every-second choice. In class, someone mentioned 

President Monson’s quote, “Choose your love; love your choice.” So, I decided to look up the 

entire talk, and here is what it says: “Choose a companion carefully and prayerfully; and when 

you are married, be fiercely loyal one to another. Priceless advice comes from a small framed 

plaque I once saw in the home of an uncle and aunt. It read, ‘Choose your love; love your 

choice.’ There is great wisdom in those few words. Commitment in marriage is absolutely 

essential.”

So, how do we choose our choice? That is a question I seek to understand and answer over the 

next 20, 30, or 45 years.

I think I realized that I will not just fall in love with someone. I will have to choose to love them, 

and true love comes from seeking to understand. Below are a few more quotes I enjoyed. Before 

you read them, I would love for you to remember this: Audrey-Marie, and whoever may be 

reading this—future children, the TA, or even Brother Mansfield. I am not going to feel a spark 

on the first date. I need to seek to understand someone deeply, the way you seek to understand 

your mission companion. You need to want to love them before you can.

“In our real lives, love mainly depends upon our understanding,” she says. One of the first things 

Divya set out to understand upon marrying Prabhu and moving to the United States was his 

religion.

“[The Church] was the right place to meet God.”

With nearly six years of marriage behind them, Prabhu and Divya have discovered more and 

more things to love about each other.

“We got married, and then our love started. I feel that might be better than loving because we are 

already bonded to each other, and from there, we have to work hard. So far, it is working pretty 

well, and we are happy for that. I am pretty sure it will work until the end.

A penguins

 A penguins presents a rock …..

 To be continued 

Permission to be fixed

 

I have learned a lot since coming home, which I love. One key thought I had—and was scared about—was that I might not grow or change after my mission.. Most of what I’ve learned has come through experiencing something I fear: failure. Despite fearing failure, I crave and love growth.

These two aspects of life—failure and growth—seem to live in opposition to each other. Yet, truthfully, they complement rather than contrast one another. My religion professor at BYU recently taught me this idea:

“We must not fear failure. We must not praise innocence. We must see perfectionism as ino innocence. For perfectionism and innocence are not virtues. If they were, Adam and Eve would have never progressed. We are not here to stay innocent; we are here to become wise.”

Perfectionism is a form of distrust in the Savior and is in direct opposition to faith. Perfectionism is the fear of needing our lives fixed—a rejection of being broken. However, being broken does not equate to being worthless. Quite the opposite. Failure means we can be touched and made better through the Savior’s Atonement.

This idea reminds me of the Japanese art of kintsugi, where broken tableware, like plates or bowls, is repaired with gold paint over the cracks. Through this process, the tableware’s value increases. The once-broken, now-repaired piece is worth more than a never-broken one.

Now, I am not saying that our worth increases when we partake of the Savior’s Atonement. That is not true; our worth does not change or grow in the sight of the Lord. As Ardeth Kapp states, “Our worth came with us to earth.”

What I am saying is that when we allow ourselves to be imperfect or broken for a time, the Savior heals us, painting our cracks with His golden touch. His touch is not only healing and restorative but transformative. This golden paint does not make us how we were before—it makes us different and better than we ever were. This transformation, possible only through the Savior’s Atonement, often begins with what some might see as failure.

Thus, our brokenness becomes an opportunity for the Savior to leave His imprint on us. Being healed by Him means that His character and love are written into us. Like the golden cracks of kintsugi, the Savior’s influence on our lives becomes visible to others and to ourselves. His healing is evident in the ways we change: our characteristics, our weaknesses, our relationships. The Savior’s perfecting touch is reflected in, on, and through us.

Perfectionism, then, denies the Savior’s ability to make more of us than we could by remaining in our “unbroken” form. It rejects faith, which is trusting the Lord’s power to heal, mend, improve, and empathize with all things—not just some things.

It is easy to have faith when life only presents small challenges—when the Savior’s help is needed for only ABC. But what about when life feels like A through Z is falling apart? It is easy to trust the Savior to handle a few issues, just like asking a friend to pick up a few groceries. True faith, however, means giving Him our entire to-do list, access to our bank account, and the responsibility to write personal birthday cards for our family—all while trusting He will get everyone’s Swig orders right!

Do we trust the Savior’s Atonement to cover everything or just some things? True faith is allowing everything to fall apart and still having complete confidence that the Savior can and will make it whole. It is about actually giving our struggles to Him and then refusing to worry. As my dear companion once said, “If you are worrying about it, you’re not trusting God.” (And that carried extra weight coming from someone who was excellent at worrying.)

The Atonement of Jesus Christ must cover everything. But everything in our lives does not have to be falling apart for us to develop faith and confidence in the Savior.

For a long time, I questioned whether I had truly used the Atonement in my life. I wondered if it was “working” for me, since I had not committed any major sins or had a dramatic “Alma the Younger” conversion story. Sometimes, I even wished I had a “classic convert” experience—one where I had lived a portion of my life without the gospel before discovering its fullness.

That changed when a dear mentor shared this quote with me—a quote I turned to many times on my mission:

“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness—they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means—the only complete realist.” — C.S. Lewis

All in all, perfection and brokenness, failure and growth, good and bad are not two different sides of a pendulum that we swing to and from. We are not one or the other. We, through Jesus Christ and His Atonement, walk a middle path in between the two. They are two elements that must be experienced simultaneously. For there must be opposition in all things. We must learn how to find the golden path that lies in the middle between these two extremes and walk it. where these elements coexist and complement each other. Opposition in all things is essential, a That golden path is lit by the Savior, His earthly ministry, and His continuing service.

All in all, perfection and brokenness, failure and growth

, good and bad are not two different sides of a pe that we swing to and from. We are not one or the other. We, through Jesus Christ and His Atonement, walk a middle path in between the two. They are two elements that must be experienced simultaneously. For there must be opposition in all things. We must learn how to find the golden path that lies in the middle between these two extremes and walk it. That golden path is lit by the Savior, His earthly ministry, and His continuing service.

A ode to Stockton

The following is a letter sent from Miss me to my dear friend ANNIE 

Dearest Annie, 

 

Please forgive me for my delayed response. Your email filled my heart with much delight. You have a gift of words. I felt as if I was transported into a past Century. Where letters were filled with words that had deep meaning, each Intentionally placed. Your ideas were perfectly and smoothly  communicated. 

 

 

You as well, have a very special place in my heart. You are filled with wonder and I love it. From the sounds of it, you are not only seeing but experiencing the world. 

Your letter stated," 

I want to be in places where you are forced to confront so many parts of the human experience." 

 

This line resonated with me. One of the deepest Joys I felt on my mission, have not been in the Glorious highs or the Comfortable evenings. On the contrary, they have been in moments of uncertainty, grief, and aching. 

          

A past experience comes to mind.

A moment when an elderly woman requested a blessing.

We drove down into what was once a vibrant, booming and blooming city.

The houses whisper that they, like the people who once lived there, had big hopes and dreams.

The store front streets and homes are lined with the remnants of Victorian Masonry- Now derelict tenement. The occasional store front with a "Now open"  sign sticks out as a sign of Hope.

  

 As I made my way off the freeway and walked into a Victorian style house in the center of a rundown city. You find the collapsing ceilings and broken floors and a man shaking while laying on a cot. The house is littered with cobwebs.

 The elderly lady Comforts her incoherent and shaking husband.

 She seems so calm.

This is her normal,

 completely different than mine. 

 

She has joy that we are there and faith that he will be healed.

Her deepest desire is to return and partake of  Sacrament with her ward family- yet she is unable to ever leave her ill husband unattended.

 

 

The body that lays on the cot is almost unrecognizable as compared to the man featured in the few pictures shabby taped to the empty wall.

The few old pictures tell a story.

A middle aged smiling man who is holding his wife. They stand infront in front of a table full of food. Surrounded with them are 5 young men in white shirts, simple ties and black name tags.  The joy in the picture is almost palpable. Just adjacent to this picture is one of the Temple. Although deeply faded the Temple's message still shines brightly. Little further down a newspaper article and lastly a wedding picture and one more with the missionaries that they feel gave them the greast gift, life itself. 

 

My attention was drawn back to the dear sister in front of me. Her English was broken. As I said a prayer I blessd the home through the power and authority of my calling the elders then administered a blessing of healing. As we share a scripture in Mark. I  contemplated on the fact that the same power which in a grand scale was used to create he universe was now being used to administer on a small scale to individual child of God.

 God's power has no limit.

 It transcended any earthly label we may put on things. 

 Being uncomfortably confronted to all walks of life forces one to realize the immensity of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

 It's often times hard to truly understand everything that the saviors Atonement covers because often times we only understand what we experience in our own life. How am I able to understand the infirmities that He takes upon Himself when we only think about our own?  We may subconsciously acknowledge that he takes on the infirmities of all. But do I internalize it? 

 

I'm so Grateful when Jesus Christ allows me have a glimpse of His Atoning power. When for a moment I get to walk step by step, sit side by side, cry tear by tear, embrace hug by hug and see for just a moment a small portion of what pain,love and Joy Jesus Christ took upon himself. I will never fully comprehend what others, including this dear sister has gone through. But like you said. Your soul craves to be confronted with the opportunity to understand all Human experiences. I.might change the last phrase to ( opportunity to excepeince how the the Atoning sacrifice of Jesus Christ applies to us and all.. 

 

How and in what ways do we experience these moments? We must experience service to experience Jesus Christs power. I know that our dear beloved Prophet invited us to minister to the one. I know he did this so we can understand the type of power that Jesus Christ holds. So we can understand that he truly can sucker us in our times of deepest needs.

 

 Genuine service requires that we look beyond ourselves. It requires that we do more than just say hello but that we seek to truly understand another human. It requires us to be uncomfortable. Genuine service is oftentimes initially inconvenient , untimely, and uncomfortable. Service never comes at a convenient time .if it wasn’t a sacrifice it wouldn’t make us grown We serve so that we can understand. I've often said recently that we act and talk to seek to understand. 

However after this experience I've come to know it's a little more deep than that.

 

 

 

We don’t seek to understand simply so that we can know what they feel, but so that we can know what the Savior was and is capable and willing to feel for all of us. A life without genuine personal service is a life without knowing Christ's true character. It's a life without an understanding of the atonement of Jesus Christ.

A poem 

I will never forget that hot summer day in Stockton California. 

The day when sweat and Tears dripped down my face.

 The day I felt Jesus Christ redeeming grace. 

The day when worries, fears and cares were erased through his garden prayer.

 

 Forever grateful I am for her.

 I say I'm grateful for this change. 

This change in perspective on how I bear 

one another's burdens now with much more care.

 

Now I remember the Savior's blood

Drop.by drop 

For me He bled

 

So on this day I look back to the day we're sweating tears trip down my face on thay day Jesus Christ taught me clearly

That athough they greatly fearing his body ripping on the cross and tearing there no need to fear that extra nail 

For even that he will be able tell 

Those who knew him and drew close by or those who faltered and took no side

 

But now I can say I know him dearly 

I've felt those nail prints very clearly 

And with those hands that felt them clearly I wiped her tears very dearly

 

I know my savior and he knows me

 as I've ministered and see as he sees. That hot Stockton day helped pave the way 

for the beginning of a new chapter

 a chapter filled with lifelong genuine service 

So with my baptismal and Temple Covenants 

I look forward to a life of fulfillment 

I know it won't be filled with comfortable evenings but I hope it's filled with lots of serving

 

Anyways, your email just caused me to do some serious reflection so keep for that. It sounds like you've made quite the adventures around Europe

What do work stays look like for you?

 

Sending much love

On being a woman here and across the world

 e Atonement of Christ meant more to me now than ever. It was more needed now than ever—

how could it not be? Right in front of me were the words of the Book of Mormon: “For were it 

not for the redemption which he hath made for his people, which was prepared from the 

foundation of the world, I say unto you, were it not for this, all mankind must have perished.”

Not just now, but forever. The Atonement was needed now more than ever, not just for me, but 

also for them and her.

Here was the man who sat there, screaming from the TV screen's other side. For him—He was 

the man who admitted to abusing his wife on camera. It was needed for a man who died in his 

sins, not knowing any better. For the woman who lost all her siblings to poverty and now blamed 

herself, thinking she would never see them again. It was not just for me; it was for them. Oh, 

how the world needed it at this moment.

I often think about how the Atonement of Jesus Christ applies even to those who don't know 

about it or who don’t know about Him. People like Lucky, who, while I was serving on my 

mission, approached me and asked, “Who is Jesus Christ? Who is this man who you say you 

know? I have many friends who are Christians, but no one can tell me who He is!” I remembered 

how he told me, by no fault of his own, that he was so sad he would never be able to see his 

father again because he believed his father would be reincarnated as a dog.

So I thought to myself “Would these people view their challenges differently if they had a new 

perspective, or do they view their challenges precisely because of what is already in their 

minds?”

I first think of the man from San Francisco. I think of the statements he made about the girl he 

was seeing: “She can’t say ‘no,’ it has to be pretty much all ‘yes’—I’m the man of my house.” 

Maybe this is how he was raised. Maybe he thought this was okay because every time he tried to 

respect his mother, he was beaten. Maybe he was hurt by his mother as a child and is only trying 

to protect himself now. You see, we never know what is going on in someone else's life. Most of 

the time, they just don't know any better. People can't be judged all the same because they are not 

all given the same knowledge. That’s why the Atonement must be in play—it must meet the 

needs of those who acted without understanding.

Next, it’s important to consider who the intended viewers were for this presentation of stories. 

From my perspective, it was for educated, first-world individuals. This conclusion can be drawn 

from the fact that all the texts were translated into English—a language that, although widely 

spoken, is only universally taught and accessible to a select few educated groups. This led me, an 

English-speaking, first-world, unimpressed woman, to confront the realities of the large majority 

of women around the world who aren’t afforded such privilege.

This brings me to the next topic: Women’s Rights.

I can still hear myself—little ol' me, a blonde-haired girl who had just finished her first all-state 

math competition, riding home on a bus with a group of “nerds.” I was a woman, and I had just 

competed in a math competition that, for years, had been dominated by men. I felt powerful, 

especially after hearing an advisor tell me, “Keep up your interest in STEM, especially as a 

woman—you’re in demand.” What was this I was hearing? Me? I? A woman? In demand? 

What? This couldn’t be true. Do you mean that because of my sex, I was actually going to be 

favored among the hiring pool? Where was the inequality and suppression everyone was talking

about in my textbooks? Women aren’t suppressed anymore! Not today! Not in this world!

This newfound discovery of gender empowerment filled my heart and shot from my toes to my 

brain, and then out of my mouth came, “I love being a woman!” A few kids turned around on the 

bus and gave me weird looks, but I was fine with it, because I was a woman, and nothing could 

stop me.

For the longest time, I have felt similar to that eighth-grade, bright-eyed girl. In general, I do still 

feel that way. Yet this empowerment is now coupled with sadness. Sadness that so many women 

don’t know what it feels like to find joy in their gender. A large percentage of the world still 

operates under the mindset that women are worth less—that human life, in general, is worth less.

Most of the places where women have unequal access to rights, however, are places where the 

idea of "rights" for anyone is a foreign concept. These ideas sit on a shelf, alongside other 

concepts like “savings accounts,” “indoor plumbing,” “meal prepping,” “marital agency,” 

“dating,” “stoplights,” “birthday parties,” or “family time.” These concepts sit atop a dusty shelf 

labeled “Things to worry about or learn exist once I know where my next two meals are coming 

from.”

In reality, the reason I love being a woman is that a basic level of resources is provided to me—

resources like plumbing and female hygiene products, so I can still contribute to the economy 

and class discussion even while on my period. Or an economy and parental financial stability 

that allow me to go to school, without waiting in line for hours while the government rations 

food. Or the fact that my parents had access to birth control, so I don’t have to stay home from 

school to watch 14 siblings. Or even just having the option to attend school because I don’t have 

to work to provide income for my family.

I understand and acknowledge that many other women, even within my community, have these 

problems. I acknowledge that not all inequality against women is gender-biased but rather 

survival-based. In many cases, social equality is far from their minds; all they can think about is 

whether they will have clean water during a drought or food after not eating for 3 or 4 days.

So, I’m grateful for this film and the reminder that the state of women’s rights, or lack thereof, 

illustrates there is still much work to be done. I am grateful for that reminder.

Overall, this documentary exposed me to the necessity of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I loved 

hearing my classmates’ perspectives as they all shared their views of the Atonement. But I know 

Jesus covers it all. I’m so grateful He made it right eternally

Progress… Perfection pending

The  part I have been thinking about is how I measure progress. For some time, I thought that if I have a temple recommend today and I am worthy of it, and two weeks later, I still have a temple recommend and am still worthy of it, then I have not progressed at all—that I have simply stayed the same. However, I have realized that is absolutely not true. The adversary is constantly throwing challenges and opposition at us. We are continually being enticed by one or the other: good or evil (2 Nephi 2:16). By consistently staying worthy of a temple recommend, it means that we are truly overcoming the world decision by decision (“Overcome the World and Find Rest,” President Nelson, October 2022).

We are changed in the absolute moments of life. It comes from small decisions like these: Will I get up and put this away, or will I sit on the couch a little longer? Will I read one more verse? Will I make my prayer more meaningful now, instead of saying, “I will do better next time?” Repentance is an active role we take. It is changing moment by moment.

Thus, when we study our scriptures, we are repenting, because in that moment, we are choosing to become more like Jesus Christ. It is less about just getting rid of the bad and more about putting good into our lives (Matthew 6:21–22):

“21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.”

Repentance comes decision by decision. For example, the decision to serve a mission is not a one-time choice. It is a daily and even hourly choice. Will we be good right now?

C.S. Lewis put this into perspective beautifully with the following quote:

“No man knows how bad he is till he has tried very hard to be good. A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is. After all, you find out the strength of the German army by fighting against it, not by giving in. You find out the strength of a wind by trying to walk against it, not by lying down. A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness—they have lived a sheltered life by always giving in. We never find out the strength of the evil impulse inside us until we try to fight it: and Christ, because He was the only man who never yielded to temptation, is also the only man who knows to the full what temptation means—the only complete realist.”

In order to assess my progress, I ask myself questions like these, and I invite you to make them fit your own life and situation:

• Will we serve Him a little bit more?

• Will we give Him a little more of our heart?

• What will we do to completely give our hearts to Christ?

• What do we have in our hearts that is holding us back?

• How would our life look different if we made that decision now, rather than later or at the next opportunity?

• How do I want my friends, my future eternal companion, and myself to feel about me and the Savior, Jesus Christ?

• What do we have in our hearts and minds that holds us back from fully dedicating and consecrating ourselves to the Lord?

What will you do to give it up? Let the Lord in. Let Him replace the crooked with the straight. Let Him replace sorrow with peace. Let Him work in your life.

“Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy.” In a paradoxical way, afflictions and sorrow prepare us to experience joy if we trust in the Lord and His plan for us. This truth is beautifully expressed by a 13th-century poet:

“Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”

So all in all, don’t think yourself up the fact that you’re still here is a sign enough. It’s not a license for complacency or mediocrity, but rather it is an allowance for you to see what good things you with and through the power of Jesus Christ atonement have done just this past day past minute past hour. The fact that you were here and showing up is an act of repentance, which is way that you’ve turned to let God back into your life.

Christmas is not a Day it is a life well lived.

I always loved having my dad read The Best Christmas Pageant Ever to me, but I have come to realize that Christmas is really about the Savior and understanding that His birth marked the beginning of His infinite Atonement. The Atonement of Jesus Christ cannot be confined to just three events—the Garden of Gethsemane, the Crucifixion, and the Resurrection. The Atonement was the entirety of His life. It was the perfection of His life and the humility of His birth. Every act of overcoming temptation in His life led to that perfection. That perfection is what ultimately fulfilled the demands of justice and allowed mercy to take its place.

I have been thinking about how that relates to us. I understand how the Atonement of Jesus Christ satisfies the law of justice, but I am still trying to comprehend how His Resurrection enables our resurrection and allows us to overcome physical death. As Elder Holland taught, Jesus Christ was both part man and part God. Being part man meant He inherited the ability to die. Being part God meant He possessed the ability to be immortal.

His divine nature also enabled Him to feel an even greater extent of pain and still survive it. Being part man allowed Him to die, but being part God meant He could rise again by His own power—and He did. It gives me comfort to know that Jesus Christ suffered even more deeply because of His divinity. His divine nature did not lessen His suffering but allowed Him to endure it for a longer period of time. When He said, ‘It is finished,’ it meant He had felt all that He needed to feel. Then, as a conscious decision, He exercised His divine power and allowed Himself to succumb to physical death.”